We are gathered here tonight not as Baptists, Methodists, Catholics, Jews or atheists; not as Democrats, Republicans, or members of any third political party; not as Masons, Elks, or Eagles; and not as blacks, whites, Chinese or Indians. We don't catch hell because we are Baptists or Methodists; we don't catch hell because we are Democrats or Republicans; we don't catch hell because we are Masons or Elks; and these days we don't catch hell because we are black or white. We catch hell because we are male, M-A-L-E. That is the one thing that all of us here tonight have in common. No matter what our religion is, no matter where our politics lean, no matter what unions or fraternal organizations we may belong to, and no matter what color our skin is, we all catch the same hell for being male. So tonight we need to put aside our differences and focus on this one thing we have in common.
One other thing I wish to make clear right from the start: I am not a misogynist, and it is not my intention to instill misogyny in any of you. The only thing about women that I resent is their behavior when it comes to dating, relationships, marriage and sex. As long as you avoid those 4 things, women can be friendly, even sweet, to you, and your interactions with them will usually be positive. But anytime any of those 4 things enter the equation, that is when the trouble starts.
Dating and relationships are equality's last frontier. However much we may have achieved in other aspects of our lives (voting rights, race relations, etc.), this one area remains virtually unchanged. In a male-female relationship, the woman always has the advantage, while you, the guy, are stuck with the burden of proof: the burden of proving to her that you have the means to support her and any children who may enter the picture later; the burden of proving to her that she can depend on you economically and financially to enable her to live whatever lifestyle she may wish to live; the burden of asking her out on every date; the burden of opening every door for her on that date; the burden of paying every penny of the expense of that date; and the burden of proposing marriage--if the relationship gets that far. (More often than not, she will dump you long before it can get that far because, in her eyes, you didn't pass the aforementioned tests.)
But assuming it does get that far and you do get married, it'll be bliss for a while--usually you'll have a kid or 2--but later she will divorce you, and in the divorce settlement you almost always get the short end of the stick. You get stuck for the rest of your life owing more in alimony and/or child support (usually the latter, though some of it may be the former in disguise) than you could ever hope to pay, and at the same time you are not allowed any further contact with the kid(s) your money is supporting, or supposedly supporting. I'm telling you, brothers, it makes no sense to get married and have kids in an era when your risk is high of losing those kids and most of your hard-earned income!
A few more comments concerning marriage: When you look up "marriage" in a dictionary or thesaurus, what is one of the synonyms? "Matrimony," from the Latin root "mater," meaning "mother." This origin implies that marriage was constructed to benefit primarily the female partner, to keep the male partner from spreading his seed to other females. And at a wedding, which party is always the center of attention? The bride. Which party's father (or other male relative) always "gives them away" to the other party? The bride. And for which party are showers held and gifts given shortly before the big event? Again, the bride. Sometimes the groom may be thrown a bachelor party by his buddies, but still, women benefit more from marriage than we men do. The other side of that coin is that we lose more from divorce than they do. Heads they win, tails we lose.
So brothers, the time is now for us to take back our wealth, our health, our lives. We've got to stop proposing marriage to women. We've got to stop paying their way on dates and opening doors that they can open by themselves. They too have jobs and earn money nowadays; therefore they should spend some of it on their share of dates, just like we guys should pay our share, no more and no less. I have no problem with them going in and out of doors first, as long as they open those doors themselves. (The only times I'd open a door for a woman--or man, for that matter--are if she has her hands full or if she requires crutches, a wheelchair, or other such aid to get around.) And not only that, we've got to stop asking them out for those dates in the first place. We've got to stop letting women--and our prospects of dates and relationships with them--define our lives. We've got to stop relying on them as our source of happiness. Once we realize that they have failed us, we stop turning to them and turn to ourselves. It may take 2 to tango, but there are other dances that take only one; we've got to invest our lives in hobbies that take only one. Whether your hobby be basketball, bicycling, bowling, swimming, hiking, hunting or fishing, do what floats your boat, even if you must sail alone. Part of growing up is learning to stand on your own 2 feet. So it's time for us, the male gender, to show the female gender that we can stand on our own collective feet. It's time for us to sing a new tune: "I am man, now hear ME roar!" It's time for us to show them that if they want dates with us and marriage to us, they gotta earn them--by doing the asking, paying their share, and opening their own doors. Only then will we have equality in dating, relationships, and marriage. Until then, let us confine our interactions with them to being just friends or co-workers.
Which brings me to my conclusion: I will clarify once more, I do not believe in misogyny or in teaching such to any of you. I do not want you to take any of what I've just said to mean that I'm against women, period. But I am against parasitic relationships in which we guys are the hosts--relationships from which we have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Thank you.
Questions or comments? E-mail roxtar@srv.net. You may circulate this message freely among your fellow men (and maybe a few women too) that they might see the light, provided you do so for noncommercial use. All other rights are reserved.
This and other rantings of mine are available at my blog at MySpace.com.